A fully vaccinated Nancy Pelosi has tested positive for rabies again, a senior spokesperson confirmed Tuesday. The positive test came after she was found crawling on all fours around the Capitol building while foaming at the mouth.
“We don’t understand how this keeps on happening,” a concerned Kevin McCarthy said. “She was placed on a continuous rabies vaccine drip, but every few months, she starts screaming and hallucinating and becomes extremely rabid. It usually takes us days to decipher her regular behavior from when she’s rabid.”
But answers are coming for McCarthy as it was learned that Pelosi has a habit of biting bats and other woodland creatures, thus causing the regular outbreaks. Pelosi’s staff and prominent members of the media encourage the Speaker’s habit because a symptom of rabies is extreme aggression and violent behavior. This, they figure, will keep the insurrectionists at bay.
Update: When it was discovered that Pelosi was unable to speak due to lockjaw, a national holiday celebrating the occasion was added to the calendar.