On Thursday, House Democrats pushed through new legislation banning assault trampolines by a vote of 240-190.
To some Americans, it may be news to hear that all trampolines purchased before 2001 do not have a safety net and are considered deadly assault trampolines.
“These weapons will show no mercy and should be taken off our lawns,” commented Nancy Pelosi. “The tragic 911 calls I’ve heard of mothers looking at their damaged children saying ‘I thought the safety net was on!’ No more!” Pelosi screamed.
The bill had momentum after a study showed the toll these death platforms take on the child’s body. Research shows one summer on an assault trampoline is equivalent to playing one season in the NFL.
Critics claim this bill is a Trojan horse for the eventual banning of playing outside all together.