ATLANTA, GA– This time, Marvin Gaye went too far in 1982, the CDC announced Sunday. The provocative songwriter is being canceled for falsely claiming something called ‘sexual healing’ helps relieves one’s mind, body and even cures a feeling of being ‘hot just like an oven’ –the classic symptoms of COVID-19.
“Sexual healing is not better than Remdesivir, dammit!” Rochelle Walensky yelled pounding the podium. “In order to preserve our democracy, we will be banning that song, zeroing out Marvin’s bank account, and putting a warrant out for his arrest.”
“His song isn’t about COVID. It’s about the simplest thing everyone understands. A woman,” Marvin’s family said confusing every liberal democrat. “But his seductive voice was sort of like the Ivermectin of love-making now that I think about it.”
Despite the outrage, right-wingers are defending the musician’s legacy and are chanting his name everywhere they can. Naturally, this resulted in the federal law titled ‘Don’t Say Gaye’.
Update: Ron DeSantis is now discontinuing the vaccine and will instead cure COVID by encouraging all Floridians to slow dance to Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing.’
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