TEXAS – President Donald Trump has made an astonishing discovery while visiting a manufacturing plant near Corpus Christi, TX.
“Hold it. I need a Diet Coke and an old-timey telescope. Right away!” Trump abruptly yelled into the microphone. “I think I see what some would say…an opportunity.”
After a few seconds of holding the telescope up to his eye and peering toward the ocean, the President turned to the crowd and smiled.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s exactly what I thought. Would you believe there are two adorable little states roughly three leagues southeast?!” He asked while pointing to his discovery. “Even as a young child, I was always great at exploring, and I think it shows. But you know what? Those states need senators—and quickly!”
The audience, delirious with the good news, began chanting, “Four more senators!” while Trump waved his fingers as if he were conducting their chants.
“Ok. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to use this telescope to take a quick peek directly into the Sun and then head back to Washington,” he said, infuriating the media who remember him looking at the sun during the solar eclipse.
Update: Panicked Democrats have begun frantically combing the California coastline for more states.
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