WASHINGTON, DC — Whenever Republicans need a little bump in the polls, they place a microphone near the mouth of Ilhan Omar. Soon, the congresswoman will say something so controversial that the nation panics and throws more support behind the GOP.
This time, it was Kevin McCarthy who whispered, “Hey, ya goofy girl, take your funny hat and get the hell off the Foreign Affairs Committee.”
Then a microphone was placed under her chin, and she went to work.
“I’m sure many of you have seen the Speaker’s shocking comments about me. I ask you, why is he always so critical towards people like me and Hamas and terrorists and Satan himself? I don’t get it. Furthermore, why are Americans always so critical of Al Qaeda–what did Al Qaeda ever do to you?” she asked.
Then, the member of the squad took turns at the podium. Each managed to horrify Americans more with each passing statement. At one point, Hakeem Jeffries was seen army crawling under the chairs, attempting to unplug the microphones and cameras.
Update: Republicans everywhere seized a six-point bump in the polls, and the press was forced to work overtime to protect their radical darlings.
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