If you thought COVID was dangerous, wait until a bunch of fluffy My Pillows slowly avalanche towards your city. But unlike COVID, the pillow thing is actually happening. Currently, the state of Minnesota is being overrun with My Pillows after the sharp collapse of the company’s main advertising source, Fox News.
Fox News’ loyal audience abandoned them immediately after their election night decision to update their slogan to ‘We Report, We’ll Decide’.
“I couldn’t believe how quickly so many people tuned out. It was like a Jeffery Toobin Zoom call,” said owner, Mike Lindel. “And now, no one is buying my My Pillow! Those little old ladies who watch Fox are my lifeblood. They must see Mike again!” he screamed dramatically while falling backwards onto a pile of unsold My Pillows.
Unfortunately, My Pillow workers are only allowed to stop production on the Sabbath. So, despite the order drought, the nation’s cup runneth over with pillows. The avalanche has already taken out what’s left of Minneapolis.
Bedding experts fear, if not kept in check, the pillow storm may take out a city that’s actually important.
Update: Biden has announced swift and decisive action by Democrat standards. The My Pillow Emergency will be dealt with after a 19-month long environmental impact study, and hundreds of hours of task force meetings.