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Pete Buttigieg Quits Presidential Race To Spend More Time With His Family

Pete Buttigieg Quits Presidential Race To Spend More Time With His Family

Mayor Pete Buttigieg is ending his bid for the Democratic nomination Sunday, citing the need to spend more time with this family. After he explained this to his disappointed supporters, someone yelled, “We understand, Pete! I’m sure you miss that husband of yours!”

But oddly, Buttigieg shot back, “What? Who? No. I miss my real family. Gabriel and Doctor Poof.”

“Are… those your parents?” the supporter nervously asked.

“No, silly! My Furby, Gabriel and limited edition troll, Doctor Poof. I swear you South Carolinians know nothing about the finer things,” an irritated Buttigieg snapped. “When I refer to my family, it’s always been Gabriel and Doctor Poof!”

“So wait a minute,” the supporter replied. “All these months when you kept saying you wanted to restore America so your family could have a better life… you were talking about your…toys?”

At that time, things took a sour turn as Mayor Pete charged the persistent audience member while making a hissing sound and swiping his hands like cat claws. But members of his staff held Buttigieg back as he screamed, “How dare you insult my family?! HOW DARE YOU?!”

Update: Pete Buttigieg has filed a hate crime against that nasty and hate-filled man.