A surprising revelation has been uncovered within the world of Scientology. According to a well-placed source with the church, the highest level a Scientologist can reach is “house cat.”
“This explains why your average house cat will look at you the way he does,” the source explained. “To the untrained mind, the cat has done nothing but will carry themselves as a god. This is because the cat has truly accomplished more than the owner can ever dream of. Also, the house cat has an uncanny ability to completely disown you should you make even the tiniest mistake.”
The document showing the surprising final step was discovered when L. Ron Hubbard’s original work was being reviewed at a Scientology conference.
“Once again, L. Ron got it exactly right,” a member explained. “Using just their minds and no words, a house cat can convince an entire household they are in charge. Now when someone says, ‘how could anyone want to join Scientology,’ just take a look at your cat sleeping as you’re headed off to work on a cold morning. The cat will be at peace at the highest level. Ultimate clarity.”