DAYTONA BEACH, FL–When fictional president Joe Biden slowly rolled his bike to a complete stop, made his classic not-so-bright gaze, and then promptly fell over onto a group of reporters last year, White House officials knew they had a new problem.
“We’re always yelling ‘lean left!’ at Joe, and that finally backfired,” a staffer said. “So we need Americans to know he’s not frail. That’s why we forced him to participate in ESPN’s X-Games this week.”
Biden was thrilled to participate, but that was mostly because he mistakenly heard he was going to ‘do the sex games.’
As he wobbled his bike towards the treacherous thirty-foot half pipe, the plan seemed to be working. His approval rating ticked up for a brief moment.
A moment later, his favorability actually rose again as Joe rolled down the ramp, and he shot up twenty-five feet into the air.
But when his bike slowly drifted out from under his infamous crotch, and Americans saw a frightened Biden making a panicked doggie-paddle motion, trying to steady himself in mid-air, they became disenchanted with the old man yet again.
Finally, when the public saw Joe splat on the ground like a starfish, his approval rating was back to a dismal 31%.
“This was not good. We need to play this whole thing off as a joke,” a staffer was heard saying. “Hell, it might work–We’ve never seen Jill laugh this hard before.”
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