WASHINGTON, DC. –As word from the Costa Rica Government continues to detail the herd of bloodthirsty dinosaurs rampaging through Jurassic Park, the Biden administration still refuses to call it a crisis.
“We’ve seen the reports, and we’ll continue to monitor the situation, but that theme park is still a beacon of safety and security,” Karine Jean-Pierre said. “In fact, the President plans to take Hunter down to Jurassic Park this summer for a father/son trip.”
In a rare interaction with the press, Biden was asked if he’s worried a horrifying dinosaur could be the downfall of his presidency.
“No. I think Nancy Pelosi is doing a great job,” he said, shuffling away.
Reports are the Biden administration is sending a team down to the island to examine the fencing and holding pens.
“We love what they’ve done with their borders,” Jean-Pierre said. “The animals just pass through them with such ease. It’s so inspirational. We’d like our engineers to replicate those for America’s borders.”
Update: It turns out the Biden team will not be using Jurassic Park’s faulty cages. “We’re building the cages for kids like hotcakes, and we can’t have them escaping like those dinosaurs did. Kids getting freedom? No, we would consider that a crisis.”
Give Us Story Ideas