Rumor: Michael Scott Could Be Out As Kamala Harris’ Speechwriter

Rumor: Michael Scott Could Be Out As Kamala Harris’ Speechwriter

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Rumors are swirling that Kamala Harris’ head speechwriter, Michael Scott might be fired soon. If true, the timing is odd as it was only last week that Scott provided perhaps the most elegant and powerful line for any VP ever.

“The passage of time is passing every day. Day by day. And that day is for us to do what we have been doing. And that time is passing every day,” Kamala Harris told NBC News.

As the rumors swirl, DC media continuously asked Scott how he could continue this hard job without being secure in the position.

“That’s what she said,” Michael said smiling. “My hunch is, if anything, it’ll be a fake firing. And if not, I’ll scream.”

Harris, who’s fired so many staffers she is single-handedly responsible for a fourth of the unemployment rate, became defensive about her office’s turnover.

“Listen up, people…” Kamala began. “I don’t ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who I’m with, for any reason, whatsoever will–” But someone then interrupted her and asked, “Do you need us here for any of this?” 

Update: Michael Scott was in fact fired and he immediately yelled, “I’m GOING to kill myself!” and ran to the nearby train yard. He was unable to reach the rail cars due to hundreds of democrat voters looting the containers. 

“I’ll just have to put on a brave face for the other progressive speechwriters,” Scott said returning to DC.


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