WASHINGTON, DC — House Republicans have called upon Mike Rowe, host of the hit TV show “Dirty Jobs,” to investigate the Ashley Biden diary.
Rowe, always eager to help blue-collar Americans, agreed to fly to D.C. before hearing the details of his assignment.
“I’ve cleaned out septic tanks, handled venomous snakes, and twice hosed down Jerry Nadler after fajita night,” he cheerfully said. “So I can handle whatever my GOP friends need.”
However, the popular TV host fainted upon hearing he was to dig through the details of Ashley Biden’s diary.
To revive him, a short portion of the diary was read aloud. This particular passage involved an encounter Ashley had with her father, Hunter, Hunter’s dog sitter, the dog, eight gallons of strawberry jam, four camels, and the entire special teams unit of the Baltimore Ravens. The graphic details acted as a smelling salt.
“Waaa? I… I just can’t. That’s just too disgusting,” a disorientated Rowe whispered, lying on his back as Majorie Taylor Greene fanned him. “Can’t this town find a shameless, depraved pervert who’s into this stuff?”
But sadly for Mike, Chris Wallace was unavailable, so he remained the only option.
Update: A hearing to detail Rowe’s findings will be aired at 1 am on Cinemax.
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