Shortly after executives at Disney discovered that Darth Vader once tweeted support for the intergalactic patriarchy, he was quickly fired from his long-held role at Lucasfilms.
“They were disturbing. Telling everyone he would ‘destroy them’ and calling himself the master. We were appalled,” a Disney spokesman said. “We’re still not entirely sure what ‘the force’ is, but it sounds sexual and needlessly aggressive. The only thing he did well was wear a mask all the time.”
Now it’s being reported that Darth Vader has teamed up with Ben Shapiro’s The Daily Wire. Vader will develop, produce and star in a fourteen-hour PragerU video about the dangers of government overreach.
“We had to nab Mr. Vader,” Shapiro said. “I got that phone call and just remember hearing that heavy, labored breathing. I screamed ‘stop calling me, Michael Moore!’ but was soon thrilled to learn it was another canceled Star Wars character. They’re dropping like flies. If Luke Skywalker ever says the N-word, The Daily Wire would have the whole gang, gang!”
Update: Darth Vader will face no discipline after pinning Michael Knowles to the wall by his neck, said Shapiro. Also, Matt Walsh was both unfazed and uninterested by the revelation that Vader was his father.