WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the world inches towards World War III, fictional president Joe Biden is flexing his muscles.
“Listen fat, ol’ Plad drops a Nuke on us, he’ll feel the heat!” Biden yelled to the press while walking towards Marine One.
Since most of the press assumed “the heat” was a reference to Joe’s famous, room-clearing gas, he stopped to clarify.
“No! Not farts! I’m saying that if Putin nukes us, I have authorized the people doing The Grammys to make fun of Russia!” He snapped.
If that happens, experts say it would send Russia back to the Stone Age in the minds of Hollywood elites.
“Those who say Joe Biden is weak might not be thinking that much longer,” Brian Stelter said on CNN’s little-known show, Potato Time Tonight. “Can you imagine what Vladimir Putin would do if Amy Schumer called him a dildo head? Or white? Putin would execute himself by dawn.”
Update: Joe Biden has now promised to portray Russia in a positive light with a Nexflix special if they nuke a red state.
Give Us Story Ideas