'Women And Children First' Replaced With 'Birthing Persons And Genderfluid Youths First' In Titanic Remake

'Women And Children First' Replaced With 'Birthing Persons And Genderfluid Youths First' In Titanic Remake

HOLLYWOOD, CA–Under the Biden administration, Americans have been reliably informed that biology is a white supremacist. Therefore, moviegoers demand change. So naturally, the White House is forcing Paramount Pictures to remake their 1997 film Titanic. A more historically accurate version is in the works with the elimination of the preposterous “women and children first” proclamation.…

Brian Stelter Says Taylor Swift Song 'Stupid Little Potato Man’ Is Not About Him

Brian Stelter Says Taylor Swift Song 'Stupid Little Potato Man’ Is Not About Him

NASHVILLE, TN–Fans have long speculated that Taylor Swift’s hit song, “Stupid Little Potato Man” is about CNN’s Brian Stelter and now the serious newsman is finally weighing in. “It’s not about me, you guys so stop it. Taylor’s song is about, uuuhh, society. And sometimes artists view society as sort of like a stupid guy who looks…

Adam Schiff Answers ‘What Is The Russians’ For All Answers In Jeopardy Appearance

Adam Schiff Answers ‘What Is The Russians’ For All Answers In Jeopardy Appearance

BURBANK, CA–In a bizarre appearance on last night’s Jeopardy, Adam Schiff incorrectly answered, “What is the Russians’ to every single question.  To kick things off, Schiff chose the category ‘Rhymes With Toast’ for $200.  The answer was, ‘Spooky dead people,’ and the congressman confidently said, “What is the Russians!” When he was told he was…