Las Vegas, NV— After Will Smith flipped-turned Chris Rock’s face upside down at the Oscars, his parents are demanding he move into his Auntie and Uncle’s house in Bel-Air. Moments before the slap heard ’round the world, Chris Rock gave a moving speech about how black-on-black crime is a myth. Then, needing to lighten the…
Category: Entertainment
Biden Vows To Have Grammys Hosts Make Fun Of Russia If They Strike US With Nuclear Weapon
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the world inches towards World War III, fictional president Joe Biden is flexing his muscles. “Listen fat, ol’ Plad drops a Nuke on us, he’ll feel the heat!” Biden yelled to the press while walking towards Marine One. Since most of the press assumed “the heat” was a reference to Joe’s…
'Women And Children First' Replaced With 'Birthing Persons And Genderfluid Youths First' In Titanic Remake
HOLLYWOOD, CA–Under the Biden administration, Americans have been reliably informed that biology is a white supremacist. Therefore, moviegoers demand change. So naturally, the White House is forcing Paramount Pictures to remake their 1997 film Titanic. A more historically accurate version is in the works with the elimination of the preposterous “women and children first” proclamation.…
Brian Stelter Says Taylor Swift Song 'Stupid Little Potato Man’ Is Not About Him
NASHVILLE, TN–Fans have long speculated that Taylor Swift’s hit song, “Stupid Little Potato Man” is about CNN’s Brian Stelter and now the serious newsman is finally weighing in. “It’s not about me, you guys so stop it. Taylor’s song is about, uuuhh, society. And sometimes artists view society as sort of like a stupid guy who looks…
Adam Schiff Answers ‘What Is The Russians’ For All Answers In Jeopardy Appearance
BURBANK, CA–In a bizarre appearance on last night’s Jeopardy, Adam Schiff incorrectly answered, “What is the Russians’ to every single question. To kick things off, Schiff chose the category ‘Rhymes With Toast’ for $200. The answer was, ‘Spooky dead people,’ and the congressman confidently said, “What is the Russians!” When he was told he was…