On Tuesday Bernie Sanders checked his credit score and was outraged to learn it was: Potato. “Potato?!” the senator yelled. “I knew it!” A representative at FICO told The Glorious American they were unsure how a potato became an option for Sanders, but when they entered in his info, the score came back “potato” every…
Category: Economic
Unemployment Rate So Low, Department Of Labor Just Names The 6 People Not Working
On Friday, the Department of Labor released names of the six unemployed Americans actively looking for work. “This unusual announcement was due to how low the unemployment rate has fallen and we thought this would just be easier,” said Labor Secretary Ray Harris. As the economy continues to roar, the following citizens are the last…
Democrats Furious About Question #9 In Upcoming Census
The Trump administration has released its questions for the 2020 Census, and House Democrats are furious about question #9. The question asks, “Are you a terrorist?” “This is outrageous,” said Nancy Pelosi. “That is a deliberate misuse of the census and a total violation of the terrorist’s privacy. Terrorists are already weighed down with unfair…
Portland Homeless Threaten Strike If Dietary Needs Aren’t Met
The homeless of Portland Oregon have officially threatened city officials with a strike if their dietary needs aren’t met. In a strongly worded piece of cardboard to Mayor Ted Wheeler’s office, their demands were made clear: “We are SICK AND TIRED of being handed breakfast sandwiches PACKED with carbs and sodium. We WILL NO LONGER…
Report: Mexico Attempted To Pay For the Wall Multiple Times, But US Treasury Doesn’t Take Discover
The Trump administration was dealt some rather embarrassing news Friday when it was learned that Mexico had been attempting to pay for a border wall, but the US Treasury does not take Discover Card. Shortly after the 2016 election, low-level staffer Ross Salters received a series of voicemails from then-Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto. The…