DELAWARE – After four hours of Doctor Jill Biden yelling, ‘Go faster, ya old poo! Is that all you’ve got?’ at her mighty husband during his mandatory bike ride, the fictional president eventually crashed into a group of reporters, leaving blood and ass everywhere. “Awe.. damn it, Putin! I outta take you out behind the…
Category: 2020 Election
Ray Epps Added To January 6th Committee
WASHINGTON, DC — To give themselves an edge in the January 6th mystery, the crime-fighting committee (who demand to be called J6C-FORCE!) hired none other than Ray Epps several months ago. “I think everyone who called us stupid has a lot of explaining to do,” Liz Cheney said after announcing Epps to the team. “This man…
Scientists Anxious To Study The Majestic Nocturnal Ballot Which Only Comes Out At 4 am
FULTON COUNTY, GA– In recent months America has been introduced to a new species of ballots that only come out at around 4:00 am. They’re being called ‘Nocturnal Ballots’ and many scientists believed they had gone extinct following the 2000 Florida recount. The crew from Plant Earth has assembled teams to study the majestic creatures…
Sidney Powell Keeps Telling Kids Their Christmas Presents Are Going To Make Their ‘Freaking Heads Explode’
Parents everywhere are asking famed lawyer, Sidney Powell, to stop calling their children and hyping up how great their Christmas presents will be. “Oh, these presents you’ll be unwrapping on Christmas? I’ll just say, wear a helmet. Because your freaking head is going to explode,” Powell told seven-year-old Elizabeth Miller. “Yeah. It’s going to be…
Guy Who Pulled All The Wires Out During Forest Gump’s Speech Added To Biden Staff
In what’s being considered a shrewd hire, the Biden administration nabbed the guy who yanked all the wires out during Forest Gump’s famous Washington Monument speech. “We think Joe’s probably got all the gaffes out of his system, but we feel this guy should still get fistfuls of wires and go-to-town every time the president…