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Biden Says Over 900 Words in Debate, Nation Eagerly Waits for Media to Put Them in Correct Order

Biden Says Over 900 Words in Debate, Nation Eagerly Waits for Media to Put Them in Correct Order

In the recent debate, Joe Biden squinted carefully and with great focus, managed to say over 900 words. That was the good news. Unfortunately for the dozen viewers of the debate, most of the words were in random order. Reports are the media has been working through the night to piece them all into their correct order.

“Now, there will be a little assembly required,” Chris Cuomo reminded his audience immediately following the debate. “But I think Biden probably said some breathtakingly beautiful things tonight.”

Biden’s most memorable moment was when he said: “They all MURDERED! Understand? Now that healthcare’s going bald for over forty years ago. Nice and shiny. And their widows won’t even pancake with us. Nearly all over Iowa. And Obama turned to me and said; wealthy house cats? They aren’t never getting no billion dollars! NOT EVER!”

CNN can now report Biden actually said: “What this great nation needs is a strong, capable and articulate leader who can guide Americans into better days. Also, those wealthy house cats aren’t never getting no billion dollars. Not ever.”

It turns out CNN could only clean up so much.