Mar-a-Lago, FL– It was a simple plan. In fact, many were surprised it wasn’t thought of sooner.
Everyone knew Hunter Biden was selling his paintings in exchange for the DOJ and FBI to look the other way on horrifying crimes. And while Donald Trump doesn’t have any crimes to worry about, he is lousy with federal harassment.
So on Tuesday morning, after the FBI raided his Mar-a-Lago home, Trump quickly bought a Hunter painting. Now, Washington’s most swampiest Deep Staters are working around the clock to protect the 45th President from anything that may upset him.
“At first, I didn’t even want to buy it. It was so ugly and stupid. I asked Hunter, ‘Do you have anything that doesn’t look like Rosie O’Donnell?’” Trump told the rowdy CPAC crowd. “Now, the same agents who were demanding documents from me last week are now saying, ‘Oh, Mr. Trump, Can I get you some McDonalds? Perhaps a Diet Coke? Oh, it was very worth it folks, believe me.”
Biden’s staff is livid with the deal the President’s son cut with Trump.
“How could you have given Donald immunity?” Jen Psaki yelled while taking away Hunter’s weekly crack allowance. “It’s not like a Biden to be stupid and selfish and corrupt! Where could you have gotten this behavior from?”
Update: Now part of the protected elite, Trump now enjoys the perk of the FBI arresting anyone who speaks in an inflammatory way about him. Every single politician, celebrity, and professor has been brought in for questioning.
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