Nation’s Police Demand Pay Raise After Getting Rioters ‘Right Where We Want Them’

Nation’s Police Demand Pay Raise After Getting Rioters ‘Right Where We Want Them’

Every police force in America has demanded a raise after claiming they’ve got the rioters ‘right where we want them.’ The country, which has only four buildings left intact, is not particularly thrilled with how law enforcement has handled the rioters.  “What’s been happening is, a group of protestors will demand all the police abandon…

Anderson Cooper Reflexively Joins Protestors To Help Take Down CNN Headquarters

Anderson Cooper Reflexively Joins Protestors To Help Take Down CNN Headquarters

Last night thousands of violent protestors tried to storm the CNN headquarters in Atlanta.  For hours, law enforcement was able to hold them off.  That was until long-time CNN anchor Anderson Cooper instinctively joined the fray. Minutes before leaping into action, Cooper was on-air dutifully reporting how loving and tranquil the protestors in Atlanta were. …

CNN:  Peaceful Protesters Lend Helping Hand To Keep Small Businesses Closed

CNN: Peaceful Protesters Lend Helping Hand To Keep Small Businesses Closed

“It was a touching scene tonight in Minneapolis as thousands of peaceful protesters lent a helping hand in the effort to keep small businesses closed,” CNN’s Don Lemon cheerfully reported. The protestors used the little-known technique of burning all the stores to the ground to accomplish this noble goal.  Despite many Americans disagreeing with this…

Twitter CEO: ‘We Would Fact Check Joe Biden Too If We Knew What He Was Saying’

Twitter CEO: ‘We Would Fact Check Joe Biden Too If We Knew What He Was Saying’

Twitter has found itself in hot water after adding “FALSE!  WHATEVER REPUBLICANS SAY IS WRONG—TRUST US!” under the president’s tweet that read: “Good Morning, America!” With Twitter now openly campaigning for the Democrats, legal experts are explaining the company has officially crossed over from being a “platform” into being a bunch of “pantywaists.”  This change…