Earlier this week, the Bernie Bros took a short, union-mandated break from harassing non-Sanders citizens to stock up on official Sanders weapons, only to find them all out-of-stock.
“Oh, great!” Screamed 18-year-old Colton Andrews in Vermont. “First capitalism, and now the official Bernie weapons are sold out?”
Colton is part of the vicious group of Sanders supporters, known as “Bernie Bros” and they’ve been causing problems for the Senator lately. Their attacks on the press and non-communists forced the moderators to address their actions in the recent Democrat debate.
“Senator Sanders, you lead a roving gang of youth armed with clubs and other sharp objects who are terrorizing the nation,” Chuck Todd began. “Are you a cult leader?”
While stretching his arms out and flapping his wrists with each syllable, Sanders quickly replied, “Chuck! If a cult leader is someone who deeply believes we should have free college, then yes; I’m a cult leader.”
“Well… Umm. I don’t think that’s what cult leader is. Never mind, let’s just get back to pummeling Bloomberg, shall we?” Todd said.
While Sanders may have evaded Chuck Todd’s question, the Senator has bigger issues to address. The Bernie Bros released the following statement regarding the sold-out inventory:
“We’ve given everything to Senator Sanders and we demand our official Bernie weapons be replenished! We’ve knocked on doors and skulls for this man, it’s the least he can do! How are we supposed to win over the hearts and minds of the voters if we cannot sneak up behind them and crush them? Fulfilling the needs of the consumer is simple, really. All you do is determine which weapons have the most demand and then you just supply that demand, dammit!”