Report: High Voter Turnout of Dog-Faced Pony Soldiers Could Spell Trouble For Biden Campaign

Report: High Voter Turnout of Dog-Faced Pony Soldiers Could Spell Trouble For Biden Campaign

A new report is showing that dog-faced pony soldiers are extremely motivated to vote against Joe Biden after he famously slandered their once pristine reputation during a town hall Q&A.

“We laid low for so many years not bothering anyone. And now, thanks to Biden, we’re a synonym for liars!” growled decorated dog-faced pony, Lieutenant Duke Biscuit. “That old commie is always sneaking up behind people and molesting them—try sneaking up behind a well-trained DFP! We’ll reflectively kick like—well, like any other horse, but we won’t make any apologies for it!”

Since announcing his bid for the presidency, Joe Biden’s favorability rating sharply went underwater with men, women, Latinos, the LGBTQ community, the Obamas, unsuspecting children, African Americans, and his family. Now, after his well-publicized insult aimed towards the dog-faced ponies, he may as well write them off too.

“We’ll be glad when things go back to normal,” sighed Lieutenant Duke Biscuit. “We just want to go back to eating hay, chasing Frisbees and fighting wars. Is that too much to ask?”