With all the uncertainty surrounding the Iowa results, it appears the stress finally got to Joe Biden. “I won Iowa fair and square!” Biden screamed at media members. “Did those rats at the DNC forget I’m considered the white Obama?!”
Joe seemed to snap when he angrily yelled: “You can steal my delegates, but you’ll never take my leg hair!” Biden seemed to charge the press as he screamed the bizarre statement which prompted staff members to hold him back.
“Let go of me! Where am I?” he asked in a panic before passing out.
Not only did Biden’s rampage frighten Americans, but it also pressured the DNC to release the following statement:
“While we understand the frustration from Joe Biden and his campaign, in no way were delegates stolen from him. Lastly and most importantly, no one at the DNC has ever, nor will ever attempt to ‘take his leg hair’. Despite the former VP’s repeat claims, his leg hair holds no value to us and we strongly encourage him to stop claiming so.”
Update: The DNC is now proudly reporting, they have completed 62% of the totals in Iowa. 62%, when converted to Democrat standards, is roughly 100% of what can be expected of them.