Because Joe Biden continues to struggle forming a complete sentence, Wednesday morning was a breath of fresh air as he gave the most beautifully articulate speech of his life. Unfortunately, his only audience was Boots, the Biden house cat.
Biden was instructed to walk into his library and deliver his address into the camera’s red light. “So of course he walks into the kitchen and gives the speech to the damn cat!’ the campaign technician shouted while flinging his foot towards the cat.
This blunder was particularly painful because as Joe’s wife and campaign staff listened from afar, the speech moved them to tears of joy. Tears of hope.
“He was sharp as a tack. He made us laugh. He made us cry,” Jill Biden sorrowfully said. “His words comforted a nation in panic. Well, Boots at least.”
“Joe! Can you say all that again?!” his campaign immediately begged him after recognizing the error. Joe seemed confident he could and they fired up the camera again.
“My fellow barbarians,” he confidently began as many staffers buried their heads in their hands. “I know many of you are feeling ill, so I’ve placed a call to Corn Pop. He’ll know what to do. But remember; whatever you do, don’t listen to your damn doctor. They’re on the dole of big pharma. And if you don’t like it, vote for the other Biden.”
After Joe’s speech devolved into a series of ethnic slurs, the camera was turned off.
“What?! Why’d you stop it?” Biden yelled. “That was the same speech I gave to Boobs, more or less!”
“It’s Boots, Joe. Boots,” Jill Biden quietly said pouring a large glass of wine.