After taking an exhaustive look at the stimulus bill, the Democrats announced that there’s simply no more money for Americans after payments to Dominion Voting Systems and someone named ‘the big guy’.
“We took a fine-toothed comb through that bill. I mean, that thing is slashed to the bone,” Pelosi said on Wednesday. “We looked for over two minutes for the American people, but the money just wasn’t there.”
Unlike previous omnibus bills, the latest version included a $2.2 billion line item labeled “Thank you, Dominion!” Also, another $900 million has been earmarked for “cocaine, hookers, blackmail, and the big guy.”
As more of the spending bill becomes public, many Americans are suggesting things to remove that would save money.
“Do we really need a $70 million manhunt to find the twelve missing genders?” a bankrupt restaurant owner asked. “And $85 billion to try to build a real-life Jurassic Park? I feel that’s unnecessary.”
But suggestions like these are just the insane ramblings of stupid, uneducated neanderthals, Washington Democrats say.
“Cut funding for gender reassignment surgery for Portuguese hummingbirds? Can you imagine?” Pelosi said holding back laughter.
Update: More payments for Dominion Voting Systems will be due following the Georgia senate election.
Give Us Story Ideas