As fears grow that a Biden economy would generate too much demand, most of the nation’s businesses have decided to board up their doors and windows. With polls showing Joe Biden with a 31 point lead over President Trump, the retail sector foresees Biden’s trademark pro-business experience sweeping over America, which will eventually drown in the demand.
“We’re terrified of a Biden win,” Nordstrom CEO, Brad Smith said. “First of all, the DOW is going to shoot up like Hunter in the bathroom of an Atlantic City Arby’s. And secondly, our stores are going to see Americans who are so flush with cash, they’ll break down our doors desperate to offload their mountain of newfound disposable income. We can’t have that. We’re boarding up.”
Big business is praying that the GOP can somehow keep the Senate. That way, the Republicans may be just incompetent enough to limit Biden’s inevitable wave of prosperity.
When the Biden campaign was asked for comment on this development, they gave a puzzling response.
“Wait, some Democrat cities have businesses left?” an indignant staffer asked. “We’ll need a list of their names, addresses, and how much money they still have. We’ll take good care of it.”