The Biden campaign is fuming mad after learning My Pillow CEO, Mike Lindell finished slightly ahead of the former VP in the New Hampshire caucus.
“I KNEW IT!” Biden could be heard yelling as he boarded his jet. “I kept seeing that My Pillow guy on TV and I knew he was on my heels! WE NEED TO OVERTURN CITIZENS UNITED!” he screamed as he kicked a tray of shrimp into the air.
While Biden campaign officials were bewildered that Joe somehow ‘saw this coming’, they are demanding answers. They have issued the following statement to the DNC via Twitter:
“While we congratulate Mr. Lindell’s improbable night, we would like to know how the actual [explisit] a Republican pillow salesman was even an option for the caucus.”
Because this humiliating news has greatly angered Biden, many New Hampshire citizens are bracing for him to call them all dog-faces.